well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
