I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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