planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
