note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
