the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
