i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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