Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
