Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
