I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
