i jhust puked up my retainher.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
