did you get engaged???
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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