i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
two words: eviction party
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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