he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
