We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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