i wish my penis had a tongue
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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