I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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