wat bout pragnant strippers??
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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