Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
