PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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