last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You're like the curious george of whores
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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