Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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