Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
