I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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