i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
