yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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