So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
