Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
