I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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