Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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