the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
