I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
