He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize