Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
