He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
