to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
