OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you're hired as official boob wrangler
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
