Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
