I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
