If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We left the knife in your bed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
