A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
