Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
