She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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