thus making me awesome and them whores
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
