I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
