You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
