You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
