is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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