i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
