He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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