you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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