I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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