I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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