Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize