do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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