I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
