it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
