I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
