Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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