he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
