I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
