I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
