So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
