she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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