i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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