There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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