At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
