but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
