I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
