I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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