he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
