I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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