Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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