is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
