whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
