Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
