i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
